Nothing good can or will ever come from what my biological "mother" and her "girlfriend" did. Two families have been devastated, mine and Julie's. Julie was married herself with two children, a boy and a girl. She left her son and took her daughter with her. I wonder why she left the son and took the daughter, perhaps because she's a female? Who knows. I know that her soon to be ex husband Dusty is probably asking himself the same question. While two families were left in turmoil trying to come to terms with mothers that didn't love them, these two were off in their own little dream world, not giving one hoot about the people that they left behind.

I went to church last Sunday and the minister's sermon was regarding making choices on your own needs verses the needs of the family unit. I can see clearly how Ruby made the choice she did. The choice was based on her own needs, her own happiness, but not based on the family as a unit.

It was me, me, me and why should I be unhappy ect ect. And that's ok, she is the one who will have to face God. As it says in the Bible, If a man lie with a man he will burn in hell for all eternity. As for Julie, I have no clue what motivated her as I don't know her and never want to. I only know that these two woman destroyed two families for their gain and from Ruby's own words, " I'm happy now." Well good for you.

But while they were doing God only knows what, my father sat at home wondering what he'd done wrong. My niece asked over and over where is my grandma and had nightmares. My sister, who was probably closest to her withdrew even further into herself than she had been, my brother, who was to be married but days later, was angry and in shock. My baby sister, she was angry and I think relieved at the same time.

As for me? I was still recovering from my near death experience and had an appointment with the cardiologist two days after she left. Did she even wonder how I was? Did she even wonder what the results were? Did she even care? No, I don't think that any of us even crossed her mind. She never once thought about us, the tears we would cry or the hurt, the enormous emptiness that her leaving us would case ... never.

But, in the aftermath, we have all adjusted. It's a wonderful feeling to have my family back. To have the family that I should have had all along. I'm doing great, my sisters and my brother are doing great and my niece has finally stopped asking. With any hope, Ruby will be nothing but a faded memory to her before long. My children hate her for what she did and even as they age, they will always harbor those feelings towards her because to them, a mom never leaves and that's what she claimed to be. They saw her leave me, her own daughter, when she didn't know if I would live or die. To them .. that is unacceptable and she will never be forgiven.

I've finally realized that we're going to be ok, just us, as a family, the way it should have been. My sisters and I can argue and we don't worry about someone standing beside us to egg it on so we drift further apart, instead, it's bringing us closer together. I love my family very much and since Ruby has left, we've gotten so much closer. On one hand I'm grateful for Ruby leaving, because now I have what I always wanted .. unconditional love from my family.

I think that a part of me will always miss Ruby, not as Ruby, but as the mother that I always dreamed that she was. As the mother that she was to for the first few years. But those days are long gone and as much as I would have liked to have had her in my life forever, I will not ever give her the chance to hurt me, my children, my sisters, my brother, my nieces or my father ... ever again.

The above paragraphs were written a little over a year ago and so many things have changed. My biological family and I rarely speak if ever. I speak more to my brother and his wife than anyone. I haven't spoken to my biological father in well over a year, neither have I spoken to either one of my sisters and that's ok. I have adjusted very well to life without them. I've realized that life is what I make of it - no one can make me miserable or unhappy neither can they make me happy. Happiness, peace, forgiveness - they all come from inside and I'm happy to say that I am proud of who I am and what I have become - without them.

I have a wonderful mother who loves me beyond measure. I have five beautiful children, a college education (I'll recieve my Masters Degree in Criminal Justice with a minor in criminal law at the beginning of 2010 !) and law school on the horizon. I've been blessed with one grandson (who will be two this July) and another grandchild due this September. I am very proud of all that I have become and look forward to the future and what it will bring. I did not make the decision to have my biological family out of my life - they did and again - that is ok. Everyone has a right to their own beliefs, to make their own decisions etc. That's what they choose and as far as I'm concerned, it's their loss.

May God Bless and Keep You All.