During this previous year I had found out that I was pregnant for the fourth time. I was devastated. We hadn't planned on having any more children and had considered abortion due to previous health problems during pregnancy. In the end, I just couldn't do it, I could not, would not, choose abortion. I went through two doctors before I found one that I liked, that I trusted, Dr. Martin. He was everything that I had always wanted to find in a doctor. He made me feel comfortable the first time I was in his office when I was in tears because I didn't want to be there, but knew I had to be.

The pregnancy went well until the third trimester when my blood pressure went up, just as it had during the previous pregnancies. Dr. Martin put me on blood pressure med's and had me monitor my blood pressure at home. On August 17 of 2002, my blood pressure went through the roof. We went into Dr. Martins office to have them double check it and they confirmed that it was very high. We believed that it was high due to a tooth infection that couldn't be worked on due to the pregnancy. They gave me antibiotics and pain killers then sent me home and told me to call back in an hour to let them know my blood pressure. I called them back and it was still high so Dr. Martin convinced me to go to hospital where they would induce labor.

I didn't want to go, it was only noon and the kids would get off the bus at three thirty. I didn't want them to get off the bus and find me gone. My brother in law and sister in law where home from their last job and said they would take care of them, so off we went. Ethan was born the next night at 11:15 p.m. The entire time we were expecting a girl, after having three daughters, we were tickled when we learned we'd had a son, finally!

I stayed in the hospital for four days and went home on Monday. The next few days I won't even go into detail about except to say that the Emergency Room in West Plains sent me home when I was in stage four congestive heart failure. I got three phone calls on thursday night, one from Dr. Moore (another doctor in the clinic. Dr. Martin was out of town until the next day), one from Dr. Khan, a cardiologist and one from a nurse, they all wanted me to get my butt back into the hospital. I was afraid, no one was really telling what was wrong or how serious it was. My regular doctor couldn't be reached, mind you, the only doctor that I would listen to anyway, the only one that I trusted, so I didn't know what to think or what to do. We finally decided to go in.

I went into the emergency room where they had already gotten notice that I would be coming. I knew it was serious when a nurse called me and asked me where I was and why I hadn't left the house yet. I explained to her that we had animals that had to be fed, dogs, cats, horses, cattle, that we couldn't just up and run but we would be there soon.

I was immediatly taken to the ICU where things were kind of a blur to me. I was hooked up to all kinds of monitors, stuck with I don't know how many needles and couldn't get out of bed. It was only then that I learned why I was really there, but no one ever told me how close to death I had come. The only person who came anywhere near telling me how serious it was was Dr. Martin who had come in the next morning. Damon asked him what the changes of my having to have heart surgery done and he said if I hadn't of come in 100%. Dr. Martin would go on to explain the problem that I had with my heart in terms that I could understand. I was afraid and looking back, I had good reason to be.

My "mother" and my father drove down from Wisconsin to be with me. They had already had plans on coming when the baby was born, but my complication made things that much more hurried. My "mother" and my dad spent little time with me in the hospital. My dad was very unhappy about this, but Ruby ruled the roost, she ran over my dad every chance she got and I never really understood why he allowed her to do it. I wouldn't learn until later that it was only to avoid a fight.

My dad would also tell me later that the reason she spent so little time with me was because when she wasn't with me, she was at the hotel talking to Julie, her girlfriend. She left me lying in an ICU hospital bed to talk to her lesbian girlfriend.

In my book, to my kids, she is nothing, she never was and she never will be. I allowed her to hurt me once, to leave me twice, I allowed her to hurt my children, and there's one thing that I learned growing up, you never give people a second chance to hurt you again ... never.